Life's Lessons

Nate’s 9: Lessons I’ve Learned

I was going to make this the final blog of Nate’s 9. I don’t feel like my blog is getting stale by any means, but I did believe that it was time to do something different. Just like Aiden’s blog, and the battles that Aiden and I got into, I always thought that my writing needed just a little bit of freshening up. Well, over the past couple of months, this sucker as really gotten a fair amount of viewership, and I guess I’m getting a little bit of love, so why not continue with it? Here is a concept that has taken me almost six months to complete, and I hope you enjoy it very much. Thank you for always reading my work! (I put in the extra effort, because it means a lot that so many of you like my stuff)!

Note: There are 13 lessons in this blog instead of the normal 9. I couldn’t cut any of these lessons out of here, as I consider them all important.

#13 – Don’t let your pride beat you. For many years I was the opposite. I didn’t have much pride to speak of. How could I with a lack of a varsity sport, no honor roll, no car; essentially no early monumental success. I wasn’t a youth group leader, I didn’t take parts in any school plays, I quit the only thing I was good at back then (bowling), and I was insecure about my writing, so I never published anything. Then it started to turn around. Made numerous friends overseas. I entered a great relationship. Got a secure job. First car. Practiced at sports (and got pretty damn good). Wrote at North Hennepin. Won many, many fantasy football leagues. And I thought, hey, this guy’s not so bad. In fact, he’s quite great! Then, everything stabilized, and my pride knocked me back a little bit. A 3.3 GPA for my Bachelor degree. Not bad, but not special. A 197 average in bowling for about 5 seasons. Better, but not extraordinary. I’ve learned that of course life is going to give everybody some ups and downs, and everything has a way of balancing out. While I lost my father early, and with that a little bit of paternal guidance, I get to be around my children for 3 days a week by myself, and so I’ve gained a little bit of insight on how things should be done. I won’t say that I’m the best father in the world, because once I start thinking that way, pride is going to knock me on my ass.

#12 – Life is not meant to be lived in just one place. I’m so thankful that I’ve been pretty well traveled at the old, dusty age of 34 (okay, relatively young). I haven’t done the complete tour of the world, but it’s been nice to have seen a fair amount of two continents.  I think with television and internet now that things are a little different; with a click of a button or the pressing of a remote, I can transfer my perspective to just about anywhere in the world. But I don’t believe it’s the same as staying in a place for an extended period of time. I’ve been blessed over here in the U.S. as most of my life has been spent in the urban metropolis that is Minneapolis. During my teenager years, I spent most of my summers in a one stop light town in Pennsylvania. I got to see things from both side of the coin. Then, Europe. I’m still amazed by how many people left the continent because they believed life could be better over on this side of the world. And if you were willing to put in hard work, and get a lucky bounce or two, that could happen. But I’ve learned so much about myself by spending a year over in Europe, and I think that everyone that comes into contact with me and with whom I've developed a friendship has benefited by the person that I’ve become. I have certainly benefited from my friendships because I feel that since I’ve gained multiple perspectives, I can create more friendships. I owe at least some of that to my world travels.

#11 – Be with someone that is proud to have you.  I will not try and take anything away from any of my relationships that I was a part of over the years, but life really gets on your side when you have someone beside you that enjoys and loves you no matter what decisions you make. There are times when I didn’t always have that, but I have learned from those experiences and it was a great lesson for me. I know that Sara is sometimes confounded by some of the things that I may do, or say. Maturity has a lot to do with this topic as well, because during my teenage years, I wasn’t quite sure how to be proud of my significant other. My thought processes weren’t quite so deep. (The physical aspect of the relationship typically took precedent over everything else). To find someone and grow with them that is able to teach this lesson and implement it on a daily basis though is special, and I hope that you, the reader, either already have learned this, or get to so you can truly enjoy love and all it has to offer.

#10 – I respect the person that is respectful of me when I’m not around.  This lesson probably goes all the way back to elementary school. I remember so many times when kids would talk behind other kids’ backs, whether it is about something relevant or otherwise. Then, as a teenager I use to question why people would do that? Insecurity? Lack of empathy? I wasn’t sure. Now, as an adult, I see still see the same conversations about the same lack of respect. So, it was something that was probably ingrained into our conscious at a young age. I’m glad that I’ve learned from it though, because now I consider myself to be bigger than talking about someone behind their back, and when it does happen, I do feel guilty about what I’ve said. I think we should handle our problems with one another, not at the expense of each other.

#9 – Don’t sweat the little things. When I had issues with self-confidence, one of the reasons why was because I always sweated the little things. Will so and so say hi to me in school today? What if I get picked last in recess football?  Will people judge me if I wear the same pair of jeans twice? I use to worry about that stuff ALL THE TIME. And now that we are here... it really doesn’t matter. I probably played with a chip on my shoulder when I was picked last. Maybe my friend wanted me to say hi to them first in the hallway, because they were dealing with the same issues. We all wear the same jeans two days in a row. And if not, awesome. And that’s a lot of laundry. It’s the things like - will my furnace make it through another winter – which we really should be sweating, if we really even want to sweat at all.

#8 – Don’t wait. The time will never be right. When I saw someone post this statement to their own blog, I thought, hells yes. When I was 25 I told myself that I needed to get my coaching badges for soccer, because since I wasn’t a very good player, I had to have the best training and learning experience in order to be successful. Then it was 26. Then it was 27. Then I had Aiden, and I was worried that it was going to take a back seat. And it has. But what I’ve learned from this is that I think I will still make a pretty damn good coach, whenever I get the opportunity to showcase my talents. But the journey that I’m taken instead has taught me patience (with young children), humility (because our games matter to about 20 people), joy (because I’m happy when they’re happy). I think that the same goes with having children, taking vacations, buying a house, etc. The actual experiences will most likely be better than the ones we play out in our minds.

#7 – Energy is tangible. Ten years ago, I don’t think I would’ve understood what this phrase meant. I can’t remember the course that I heard it in, only that I remember it from North Hennepin Community College. It may have been an ethics course, or some eastern Religion class. Essentially the implication was this: energy is physical, there is good energy and bad energy, and people are aware of what kind of energy you bring to any situation. Ever since that day, I have tried to become aware of what type of energy I give out, and to approach every interaction in a positive way. Sometimes it’s dang near impossible (especially when the children get me riled up), but because of the positivity, I believe I have made some great friendships along the way.

#6 – You get out what you put in. This was a lesson that I had to learn over and over in school again. Good grades came relatively naturally to me; I got mostly O’s and S’s during the elementary grading system. I only did homework when it was vital, and there were times when I would do it while riding the bus on the way to school. This style of learning backfired spectacularly once I got to junior high. I can’t tell you how many C’s or D’s I got, not because I didn’t understand the work, but because I didn’t care enough to do the homework or study for the tests. It wasn’t until junior year of high school that I was able to turn it around and average out some B’s and A’s before heading to Europe. But I still only got a 2.7 GPA, and it wasn’t until I understood this lesson in college that the results really started to come (3.3 GPA for my BA).

#5 – Working hard is different than working smart. And I think that there is a time for both styles. I think that there are times when you just put you head down and get stuff done. Things like cleaning the house, doing yard work, writing a paper, etc. Ignore outside distractions and just go. But there are also times where I think working smart will allow you to get more done than through hard work and commitment. Case in point, helping a friend move. We decided to empty the moving van by taking out all the small boxes first, and getting them all into the house and into the rooms where they belong. Yes, it went quick and it was effective. But by the time we had to handle the heavy furniture, the televisions and small appliances, we were dang near exhausted. We thought that our plan would be perfectly executed, but it wasn’t. We had to make multiple stops, take a lunch break (with beer), and it basically took a very long time. In theory, I think that working hard is a great idea, but there are times when thinking things through before beginning can be just as effective if not more so.

#4 – Practice at the same level at which you hope to excel. I am still going through the steps of learning this lesson. I always take practice for granted; whether it is in bowling or soccer or whatever. I don’t really focus on the task at hand, and I almost prefer the social aspect of it compared to the competitive side. When I hold practice with my youth soccer team, I treat practice as more of a fun time for everyone. They aren't very structured, and I tell myself that I'm letting them develop the social relationships of the game. What I still need to realize is that every moment that we have, can be an opportunity to improve our skills and development. I wish to continue improving through this lesson, and I want to have that desire to be the best at anything that I choose to do.

#3 – As we grow up we don’t lose friends, we just learn who the true ones are.  Another lesson that was hard for me to learn, as I thought that every good friend would be a good friend for life. Or at the very least, we could always pick up where we left off. But life gives us different experiences and new friendships that teach us about the ones that may not have been strong, or two personalities that became different. I now realize that I have three absolutely fantastic, wonderful friends. All the other friends I have are good bonds as well, but I would do anything for these three people, and I feel good knowing that they would likely do the same for me. I’m glad that I have them, glad that I know how lucky I am, and I’m thankful for any and every friend that I have shared time with over the years.

#2 – Everyone deals with death differently.  I still have a difficult time helping others through their time of grief. Just because I’ve been on this planet for 33 (34 as I edit this) years, and I still don’t exactly know the right steps to take when dealing with such a difficult topic. Personally, I hate talking about it. Whether with close friends, paid professionals, whomever, I really don’t enjoy sharing my personal thoughts on the subject, especially when I talk about someone that I’ve lost. My relationship with my father was between him and I, and I don’t really feel the need to share any of those experiences and feelings with anyone else. But I know that may be completely different from anyone reading this. Perhaps you need to go to a coffee shop and share your favorite memories of that person for hours in order to get through the process. You won’t get any judgment from me, particularly considering how cold I might be when discussing the subject matter. I think that every process is probably the correct one, because there is no right way to get through the pain and sadness and every other emotion that one gets when they lose a loved one. It sucks bad. It really does. But I’m glad that there isn’t a right way to deal with loss. It’s one of my favorite lessons.

#1 – Being kind is more important than being right.  Now don’t get me wrong, I sure do love being right. It feels pretty damn special to know you got someone when they don’t give you the time of day, and believe that their facts are the correct ones. Then when the answer is Googled or Yahooed or whatever – Boom! Winner! In all seriousness though, I think kindness may be the greatest personality trait one can develop. I really do think it is easier to be mean to people than to be nice. Being nice requires listening to how they feel, learning what interests a person, and what they despise, and putting forth the energy to continue developing a healthy relationship. Lot of work, no doubt. Being mean only requires a couple of words that cut to the core. Now that I know what kind of work is required to be kind to someone... I will strive to have the greatest work ethic possible, in order to make any small, but relevant difference in someone’s day. Or week. Or month. Or lifetime.